the other blog is just wrong - its so open, but yet, i doubt few would read it. this just creates a certain, uselessness. in a sense that, i cant really say what i feel, which might and would include fairly odd details which may not be pleasant to everyone's ears, but at the same time, no one's reading at all! so whats the point, you tell me.

the creation of this is yet again born due to life during inhumane hours, where i've nothing but regret and sadness engulfing me. what else could i think of at such an hour of loneliness? it all gets around the same few points, day after day, as time weeps away.

here's a rough update of how i am now. no, wait. i cant really summarise. i've actually tired a couple of times, and each time, not only do i end up clueless and without an answer, i actually become less hopeful of the time i've to spend breathing.

let's start with what comes to my mind, shall we. not all tonight, as i've an event to "hold" tomorrow. its part of a module examination, where, plain dumbly, we organise the event. that aside, let's carry on since i've to catch my rest after leaving a slice of my worries here instead of lugging them to sleep.

there's the bestfriend thing. i shall call her Nice. hah, weird, unintentionally, but she's actually really nice. you see, your best friend falls in love with a guy. and they get together. listing down what so ever possibilities that could ever go wrong, any decent point would all include the new bf. which, in this case, is majorly the same. i really dont think HE deserves HER. seriously. his attitude is distasteful, but she doesnt mind solely because she likes him. if anyone disagreed with the saying love is blind, please. its not the optimetrist you have to visit, my friends would do. and this dumb girl who's innocent and think's love is pure and wonderful would make the prime cut for the steak. oh well, what can i do afterall. as i've told her a million and x times, so long as you're happy, i'd try my best to be nice.

still, i hope she doesnt hate me for wanting them to rift. haha. amazingly, i've even told her in the face once. dont ask me her reaction, i simply forgot.


as you move on in life, your tastes changes. i dont really mean tastes, but i just cant find a more suitable word in my current state. fyi, my brain as shut down long before the last hour, its only my fingers that are itching for an excerise around these letter keys. back to topic, you meet new people. and sometimes, you grow an affection for them. you treat them well. you fancy a certain trait of theirs. and their responses arent cold, but neither are they fiery as the melting coal. you sustain that interest, only till a certain incident happens. that wakes you up, that yanks you back to reality in a stunner. ouch, hurts. forcefully rectifying a perception and focus is painful and tough. duh, it hurts.

but not so much as after that.

you'd imagine it'll be fine, close friends to say the least since somethings happened. but the worst nightmare could always be your next nap. and when it turns to reality, sometimes i wonder. what went wrong where how. and why did i even start anything at all. people say you'll only achieve things if you try. people say never give up, and you'd have just lost everything, anything. but no one tells you that you most likely will fail, and how that searing scar will haunt you.

and suddenly, she's cold, she's off chatting to others. karma?

karma, yes.


sleep. more so tomorrow, a different topic, or maybe the same. like said, its a place where brain's are denied access. so dont tell me you actually expected something worthy. god bless you, you're not human, you're not alive.

you're dead.

why?

because people who assume, and people who are too innocent to trust, wont survive in this playing field for long. till then, :)