promises&secrets.

2009-05-10T12:14:00.000-07:00

its so sad you know.

this sorrow engulfs one like a never dying flame, lingering on second by second as it inches deeper into your skin, flesh, bone, then heart and soul, until some thing comes along to ease the charred burns and the paths which it has taken, the path which will remain scarred for as long as blood flows through your veins and oxygens beats your very cell.

2009-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

whats the point of blogging, when the days are bad, and the nights are sad.

seriously, births and deaths are such pain, even though they are before and after life, and they bring such emotions to those in between life.

i'm so stressed about everyone's lives and all. why cant we all just make things easier. its seriously not that hard. emotions, what are they? yes, it hurts. but, no one said it didnt.

let go. let live. why the hassle, why bother? who said you must be ruled by your heart? why suffer alone, like a one sided love affair, just that its pain instead. who let others live their life carefreely while hurting you? they dont care. they dont fucking give a damn. why do you? why SHOULD you?

use your head. rule yourself. who said you could allow yourself to be consumed by emotions and feelings? god created emotions for the weak, to be subdued by them. you pity yourself? why dispair?

fuck. i've hardened so much, i'll soon need a plug to keep my head bleeping, cos my heart wont be beating no more.

2009-04-19T03:07:00.000-07:00

random funny dope.

things i learnt from mom.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION." You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL." If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC." Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC." If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT." Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY." Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS." Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM." Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER." This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY." If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE." I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION." Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY." There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION." Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING." You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE." If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP." Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR." When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT." If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS." You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS." Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM." When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And lastly, My mother taught me about JUSTICE." One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

:D

2009-04-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

how can someone like you so much, so so much. how can someone, think of you. through out the entire day, through his dinner and pool. when he sees a happy kid licking at his cone, he sees your smile, lighting the place up. when he scores his game, he looks to see if you're there, to see if you're the reason good things happen. when he wobbles back home after a long day, he wonders how wonderful it'll be, if he turned his head, and all he could see was your everlasting, warm smile, next to him, side by side. how can he, think of you so so much, and like you even more..

when i dont even know you well at all.

and hell yes, i do. and i dont know what to do.

2009-04-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

i actually [not surprisingly] lost the mood to blog again for the past few days. hahah. been pretty topsy turvy here and there, so hell. why bother going through all the pain and joy, when they have already made their mark once in my life?

also, some things are once in a life time. there's just no second chance.

i miss bestie lotssss. i swear i'm gonna update you on my life and how it's been and you will do the same! (:

i completed boys before flowers alr. i'd say.... its as goood as the japanese version, without any bias. there's none the better, pretty good in their own ways.

andand! there's really a list of stuff i wanna do ;( wanna, and kinda, hafta for some. i sure hope i'll get them done by the hols! else, when school starts, we all know how its gonna get. :(

- get hair done [definitely before sch reopens]
- go makan with alec and ganggg.
- go club with matas [tiff and matt is on! the rest!]
- PRAWNINGGGGG. [preference: east coast, bishan, pasir ris, serangoon! ]
- meet up with bestie more often.
- to go out with you, once(:

haiyaaaaaa. so damn hard luh wl.

ok, i'm bored. i officially suck/cant sustain online conversations. it's the worst. how do you communicate efficiently, without even knowing how the other person really feels or responds?! :(

tsk. i think i should go back to the olden days where there's no technology and all. boohooo. so, sorry to those who cant talk to me online, i really cant stand it. and yes, i love calls. hahah. but still, nothing beats meeting physically(:
oh and plus plus. there'll be less stuff to study bout! hahahah. what a good discount :p

ok bye.

2009-04-05T03:34:00.000-07:00

found this somewhere. one of the funnier ones :D only for the guys, and girls who are mature and wise enough to realise that its all jokes and nothing sexist, instigating or dirty. for those who cant, disney channel's having zack and cody now.

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big Willy or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory..

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings....'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

hahaha. what a laugh(:

2 of my fav songs currently - qing fei de yi &lean on me.

why? both have reeeaaallyy good lyrics [i try to figure qing fei de yi k. tried. so, for the parts i understand, yea. the lyrics are pretty nice. the rest which i dont understand, haha. no comments. and for lean on me, the entire song is THE song which everyone needs to know. the lyrics are.. well. i'll just post it here for the good of mankind.]

LEAN ON ME - BILL WITHERS [but imo, other version eg micheal bolton sounds pretty nicer. yeah. not that bill's aint good though]

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long'
Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long'
Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...

get it? its the epitome of lyrics. heartfelt. true. pure.

have been watching WGM hyun joong- hwang bo. i swear hwang bo's super cute. i'd love her anytime. and hyun joong. damn funny plus, he look's damn good. yes, i'm jealous. sighhh.

:( but i'm gonna watching finish so siol. the last 2 episodes, i so dont wanna finish it :(

stjames in the morning/lastnight. pretty interesting, music is moderately horrible. hah.

thats it for now.

food for thought: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration? [ :x copied from somewhere... again. hahah]

2009-04-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i pity myself.

what a sin. they say, its better to have loved than to never love at all. but isn't that an even greater sin then. its the night man, the time of evilness enveloping every breathing soul with their eyes still flashing around their sockets.

mostly, its nice to know of the times where i loved my friends alot, which used to be the case a few years back and i gathered back a wee bit recently. but, hey. everyone needs someone for a moment or two some point in time at their life moments.

argh. i need sleep. i'll get over it tomorrow.

i have tons of stuff i wanna do, but never really have the time or determination to do. and then again, some things. maybe, its nice to dream of and wish you had. but practically, nah. its fine to hope and aspire about nice stuff, aint it.

have recently been watching WGM 9-38. watched 16 episodes today :x i think hyun joong is freaking funny. HAHAHA.

nightnights. still waiting(:

2009-03-31T13:16:00.000-07:00

i bought a batman longsleeve that's swell today.

so went out with stella and bern today. nat asshole-y ps-ed. fyi nat, i HATE people who ps because they are tired. ANY excuse could have been better, except being tired or lazy. all that excuse shows is that you aint willing enough to make the effort to leave your house for me, your friend. tells alot.

listening to qing fei de yi the whole night. dont know why, suddenly found solace in chinese love music. chinese pop love music. though i'm like catching only some parts due to my stupendous level of cheena, i still enjoy wheezing through. oh wells. better than nothing! i'm listening to even the very least bitof cheena music, a standing ovation for this miraculous feat thanks.

oh oh. hahah. my fishie tank is finally fully set up. now need a few bits and pieces like fizing up the cover which i already have, and and.. water conditioner which i must buy. soon. hahah. and then the fun begins :D

but i really really do love dogs more :( even guinea pigs are awesome :( dogs and guineapigs, these two top my list of favourite legal pets in singapore. those who have then, yes. i'm bloody envious of you. you seriously do not know how much i love these furries, and how lucky you are.

ooo. my skin's peeling a wee bit. hahaha.

its 4.30. i cant sleep damnit. or rather, i dont feel like cos i really dont feel like wasting my time doing nothing. i dont know why :/ and the bloody cough. congrats, its your 20thday surviving in me, your host. you dont know how much irritance you have been to me. if i could see you and grab you, i'd swear i'd pinch and sqeeeze the living daylights out of you. bloody mini creatures.

i'm determined to come to a conclusion before these 3days are up. either go, or no. maybe it really isnt that hard a question, maybe it really isnt a thinker. but i think, for once, for a change. i'll be the other side of me, the other side which i have not known. strike one!

2009-03-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

run baby, run....................

its a new week, but what can i say, last week was down-right the best week of my hols, of my year-so-far. let's rundown-slash-recap.

monday - went sentosa tanning. like finally. loved every bit of the overbearing sun, though i didnt tan too much. skin's peeling a teeny bit after a week, but it isnt really as bad as a hot wakeboarding day out at sea. had lots of sun, though i really dont understand going into the sea. really. i'd never prefer going into the water at a beach, cos i dont really see the point when we have a ball and tons to play OUT OF the water. if we didnt have a ball or are dead bored, only then would i like the water. but yeah, loved it overall. i always loved the sun what, so no surprise.

tuesday - went to get guitarssssss. hahah. alec and i, and bern tagged along to show us the way here and there. learned abit along esplanade, like the basic chords and played around/ lepak and did nothing. watched the sun go down within minutes and sweet.

after that, headed down to the east side [mainly parkway and siglap] to have dinner and chill with nat and aud. after some foodcourt stuff [you know, the steamed rice, salted fish and pork thingy. we thought it would be ex! but when we looked at the menu pricing, we realised its the soup that was da bomb. so, we did without it.] after that, headed to icecreamchef and chill and talked talked talked. felt soooo comfortable chatting with them. there was no stress, no fear of being judged on anything. talktalked, then headed over to siglap mac at 11 or so cos icecreamchef was closing. chatted awhile more and took the last bus home. it was the most peaceful, smooth day.

wednesday - had guitar lessons as bern's. learnt abit, then realised why he could grow to that size. his house is freaking good to just do nothing at all. its like, EVERYWHERE feels awesome to sleep and do nothing. damn nice.

clubbing after that at night. crazy night. we did 11pm - 4am. NONSTOP. my legs felt tired for the 1st time in 3 years. even the 10km run i did before wasnt that hurting on the legs. but it was the best clubbing night ever. loved it to the max(:

thusday - died. i was dead. lol. till ard 5plus, when i woke up and headed out to have dinner with the matas. so sorry matas :( i was really tired and a goner. but it was really fun seeing you all once again. loved it. and, GO AND DIE TIFFANY. people dead alr still float there. you, sick only still dare to not come. grrh. hahah. and definitely not forgetting, the lovely bitchings. hahahha. :D:D

friday - BBALL. haha. like FINALLY. you dont know how long i missed basketball, even though it wasnt my day. i kept going and going even though there was a blister on my big toe that has that searing feeling, and my hamstring felt weird. but, hell. i really missed shooting hoops. it was love man.

dont ever look back....................

yeah thats about it. apparently, even though it may seem like a casual week for some people out there to have tons of fun stuff to do all day, please. i treasure my every moment. even though you might have them more, you probably dont feel the moment as much as i do. i thoroughly enjoyed every moment this week. it was special, it was memorial. and its really pleasing to know who made it how it was, and how glad i knew them for this week to be the best week [ever] in my current memory.

awesome, it was really.

2009-03-26T12:54:00.001-07:00

So here am i, a day late, after a calm bath staring at the blogger typing page. [geez, the same old page. its getting very tacky. blogger should change their pages as often as facebook does man. ]

its a day late [2 actually] because i originally had the intention of jotting down some stuffs some nights ago. but yet again, due to procrestination and other factors, i didnt do so.

so basically, what i wanted to fit in this page of memory was "tuesdays with morrie". it is endlessly amazing and thoughtful, with meaning and ideas that gives plenty of room to ponder and realise. arh, if i could explain how good it is, i'd be writing my OWN book already. just go get it read if you havent, yea?

anyways, quotes!! :D hahaha. [ i dont know why am i so excited to list down some quotes. i was even preparing while reading the book k! mygosh. hahaha]

"we've got a forn of brainwashing going on in our country. Do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over. And that's what we do. owning things is good. more money is good. more property is good. more is good. more is good. ... the average person is so fogged up by this, he has no perspective on what's really important anymore.

"wherever i went in my life, i met people wanting to gobble up something new. gobble up a new car. gobble up a new piece of property. gobble up the latest toy. and then they want to tell you about it. 'guess what i got? guess what i got'.

"you know how i interpreted that? these were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. they were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. but it never works. you cant substitute material things for love or gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship."

.....
you know what really gives you the greatest satisfaction?
what?

Offering others what you have to give. ... , by offering something you already have.

.....
quoted from a poem, "love each other or perish."

.....

and the one i liked most [so hard to find back. grh]

-here's how we're different from plants and animals-

"as long as we can love each other, and remember the feel of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. all the love you created is still there. all the memories are still there. you live on - in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here."

"death ends a life, not a relationship"

see. friendship are the most important, take that. who cares if you earn that 200bucks over the holidays doing labour, but miss out on bonding with people who will live on in your soul when you age old and wither? that dollar earn aint gonna save you, but that memory built with an hour will get you through forever.

anyways, was at the crematoriam(?) the weekend and i thought of my uncle, ironically, the person i was, uhm, 'visiting'. when i went over to the huge colum of fire where they dump the big boxes of goodies to be sent to god knows where, i winced when i remembered.
just a year ago, we were all at the same place for our grandfather. apparently, as it was crowded and rowdy, me and my uncle decided to part with the group and deliver the goodies. lo and behold, i'd never have thought that it would be my final lasting impression of him. and ironically, it was the same place where i thought of him, where i remembered him, where we were. coincidental eh? but this sadness did swipe me for a moment, as i wondered how it really felt, when some one leaves us just too early, and we've only scattered memories of them, none whole.

thats about it. some thinking. hahah.

anyways, this cough is really getting to me. i really feel like yanking at my throat.

2009-03-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

well, by looking at tomorrow's schedule, i should be off snoring by now. even hours ago. but i just had a conversation, and i realised. my viewpoints and stands on stuff sometimes are really way extreme of others. and, i cant help it most of the times. its like a piece of me, my veins and tendons. you cant detatch them and just replace segments which others disagreed.

to me, i value my friends alot. at least, i know i do, but it seems like the way i valued friends in secondary school seemed a little too much to feel normal, so much so that i feel frustrated when things arent what they used/seem to be.

oh well. everyone's different. i guess i love friends, and hate lonliness. either way, they compliment so i shall live peace with it.

then on. today, i read tuesdays with morris again in the back of the car. here's an extract which i felt so much for, and the words really flowed out with pure truth and heartfeltness. its amazing how mundane and meaningless words could be threaded with emotion to furnish this paragraph into something priceless and everlasting.

here it goes: [pg 105]

"how we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we dont let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we dont say anything because we're frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship.

Morrie's approach was exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with emotion. It wont hurt you. it will only help. if you let the fear inside, if you pull in on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, All right. it's only fear..."

thats about it. i actually only wanted to bring this up =]

nights, and please. do yourself a favour as you do the people around you one. Sleep on that and realise, if it makes as much sense to you as it did to me. cos i think that its damn good, and really. we should all learn to be nice.

okay, maybe i should :x

2009-03-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

this is amazing.

get it. i'm back with blogging. haha. its fascinationg, cos i've wanted to do so since some time back when i'm all bored to the bones, but only till a couple minutes ago did i really get my fingers to work out blogger.com.

anyways, a drive-thru update of how my seconds have been ticking away recently. uhm, recently got a fish tank(tub). got the filter working which cost me abit, but no fishes in yet. hahaha. currently having this pretty worrying feeling of just selling everything at half price cos i'm too lazy to go to the shops to buy pipes for it. lazy. but really much got started cos the prices of red aro's really drop shit lot. so thought of getting a few to rear till adult and tada. a beautiful set of reds. awesome.

oh. i'm almost 3/4 through with tuesdays with morrie. i'd say its a nice book with touching and really feeling moments.. but. i dont know why, unlike popular belief, it seems that i prefer his other book which i read before TWM, which was something like, "5 people you meet in heaven"? yeah. i reeeaaalllyyy prefered that book a great deal more. hm-ho. why why.

*turns and look around* oh! i bought new earpieces. wazzahhhh! HAHAHA. like finally. my apple one died on me with all the rubbish melting/dissappearing to god-knows-where, and the spongey going gone as and when. bought the cheap one cos i felt pretty bad getting the better one, despite the incessant bothering of 2 big mouths. irritant sial. you both dont know how bad i feel. arghhhh.
anyways, its a sennheiser(sp!), so. i guess it aint too bad.

omgomg. HAHAH. there's seriously another thing i wanna tell everyone.. BUT! whahaha. i shall only do it at the end of this post. ;D;D so exciting :P

uhm, also... i passed my exams. i guess its good that i passed, but with really sucky scores. so, yeah. if you care for my health and you care for yourself too [cos i'll beat the crap out of you], dont ask me bout my results (:

oh and recently, my hair has been pretty "stuff-free". hahaha. no wax or anything.

i guess you can say that i've become very very much lazier. i've come to realise, how easy laziness is. the positivity of laziness. hahaha. its like, much less effort is needed since all you have to do is not care!! how nice is that. hahahah.

okay :x that may have sounded silly, but. i really just found out recently. bleh.

OMG. now to the most exciting part of this :D

I LOVE SNSD, ESPECIALLY TAEYEON.

i could write a thousand word thesis on taeyeon and why i like her [any normal person with the slightest sense, eyes and heart would like her. how impossible is it to do the possible??!]

those who dont like her/anti's, fuck off thankyouverymuch. but as to where, i dont know. cos for sure, even hell wont like people like you all in there. god created you all for a reason - to be labelled as losers, and to naturally be one. if you must know, if the earth doesnt have any suckers like you all with no wit and all shit, there wont be anyone left around surviving to make others feel smart. thanks to people like you all, others with a low IQ of even a mere 5 would feel pretty blessed since there're always people like you all lower and more hopeless than them. see, learn that that is your only purpose in life. other than that, please, stick ur head between the wall and the loaded barrel of a gun, cos that's where it belongs, and thats where the loudest sound will resonate since there's nothing but emptiness between your ears.

for the rest of you normal people with eyes and senses, thank god for your normalcy. beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but for taeyeon, its present in everyone with cornea, pupil and lashes. she's totally dorky and cute, and amazing. shall not comment further lest this really becomes the preface of a really long and fantastic story :D

and yeah. so as you can tell, pretty much into korean stuff now. still cant grasp their speech as well as japanese, but yup! on they way, baby. hahaha.

OH AND. listen to GEE!! omg. cutest song. hahaha. but my fave would still be taeng singing i have a lover on chinchin radio station, and himnae [way to go!]. still, all are nice :D

BOF is getting on too. pretty nice, but online quality sucks too badly. but but! their sound track is really swell. show's pretty ok too, and athough people say its better than the jap's, i'd say they're both pretty much as good as the other(:

and hyun joong. he's really.. hahahah. :x shall not say further, cept for the fact that i wont mind getting a facelift to look exactly like him. ROFL.

andand. kangin is damn funny too. but i'm jealous please. he gets to spend his EVERYDAY with taetae. WTH. fairness please, i'm only asking for a day with her.

ah, then again. nvm. i'm gonna marry her anyway. ROFL. HAHAHHHA.

and and. [OMG. this is never ending. hah] WeGotMarried and StarGoldenBell are offically the funniest shows ever. i can die crying and die dying watching them. omgomg. they just air the show everyday or something on national TV. will definitely make singaporeans laugh more than in their currently solemn lives.

hahahaha. that's about it for a start. forever know, i loves kim taeyeon :D its amazing. she's amazing.

2009-02-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

the other blog is just wrong - its so open, but yet, i doubt few would read it. this just creates a certain, uselessness. in a sense that, i cant really say what i feel, which might and would include fairly odd details which may not be pleasant to everyone's ears, but at the same time, no one's reading at all! so whats the point, you tell me.

the creation of this is yet again born due to life during inhumane hours, where i've nothing but regret and sadness engulfing me. what else could i think of at such an hour of loneliness? it all gets around the same few points, day after day, as time weeps away.

here's a rough update of how i am now. no, wait. i cant really summarise. i've actually tired a couple of times, and each time, not only do i end up clueless and without an answer, i actually become less hopeful of the time i've to spend breathing.

let's start with what comes to my mind, shall we. not all tonight, as i've an event to "hold" tomorrow. its part of a module examination, where, plain dumbly, we organise the event. that aside, let's carry on since i've to catch my rest after leaving a slice of my worries here instead of lugging them to sleep.

there's the bestfriend thing. i shall call her Nice. hah, weird, unintentionally, but she's actually really nice. you see, your best friend falls in love with a guy. and they get together. listing down what so ever possibilities that could ever go wrong, any decent point would all include the new bf. which, in this case, is majorly the same. i really dont think HE deserves HER. seriously. his attitude is distasteful, but she doesnt mind solely because she likes him. if anyone disagreed with the saying love is blind, please. its not the optimetrist you have to visit, my friends would do. and this dumb girl who's innocent and think's love is pure and wonderful would make the prime cut for the steak. oh well, what can i do afterall. as i've told her a million and x times, so long as you're happy, i'd try my best to be nice.

still, i hope she doesnt hate me for wanting them to rift. haha. amazingly, i've even told her in the face once. dont ask me her reaction, i simply forgot.

as you move on in life, your tastes changes. i dont really mean tastes, but i just cant find a more suitable word in my current state. fyi, my brain as shut down long before the last hour, its only my fingers that are itching for an excerise around these letter keys. back to topic, you meet new people. and sometimes, you grow an affection for them. you treat them well. you fancy a certain trait of theirs. and their responses arent cold, but neither are they fiery as the melting coal. you sustain that interest, only till a certain incident happens. that wakes you up, that yanks you back to reality in a stunner. ouch, hurts. forcefully rectifying a perception and focus is painful and tough. duh, it hurts.

but not so much as after that.

you'd imagine it'll be fine, close friends to say the least since somethings happened. but the worst nightmare could always be your next nap. and when it turns to reality, sometimes i wonder. what went wrong where how. and why did i even start anything at all. people say you'll only achieve things if you try. people say never give up, and you'd have just lost everything, anything. but no one tells you that you most likely will fail, and how that searing scar will haunt you.

and suddenly, she's cold, she's off chatting to others. karma?

karma, yes.

sleep. more so tomorrow, a different topic, or maybe the same. like said, its a place where brain's are denied access. so dont tell me you actually expected something worthy. god bless you, you're not human, you're not alive.

you're dead.

why?

because people who assume, and people who are too innocent to trust, wont survive in this playing field for long. till then, :)